twinsfourthbirthday | the yearly letter

and we meet again sweet little ones. and like every year, here i am letting you know exactly what this year was like. i wish i could tell you it was perfect, that everything went smoothly and we were one extremely happy family, but this was a challeging year, for all of us, and maybe mostly for you. it was the year you literally became children and suddenly stopped being babies. no more using your pacifier, and boy do i regret it, with it dissapeared your three hour afternoon naps. and much to your father’s surprise, it isn’t all that easy to manage. though you are amazing outdoor kids you are not into three hour activities every single weekend! but he’ll learn… just like we had to learn to hear you speak like children and not like babies, we had to learn to listen and much as teach you to talk, it was the year you had a super overdose of italy and italian, and your dad, again, was ecstatic. he is so proud of what you can say and all that you understand in your other language. we are very proud of the decision we made in speaking both languages from the day we found out i was pregnant. 
this year diapers dissapeared from our lives and we are so very thankful, it took guts from us deciding that we couldn’t do it alone right when you were two so a whole summer of our pacience and trial and error and though it seems done and over with it wasn’t easy… but it’s done! 
something this year was not, was easy, everyday was a surprise, everyday we had to tell and repeat over and over all our house rules, decisions, and punishments children get when they don’t behave. for the first time in our lives we felt we had twins. strangely enough it never felt as so, but this year, while you divided our attentions between tantrums, cries of help while you hit eachother, bad morning moods and this strange and so annoying habit of never wanting to dress what we put out for you to dress to school, i honestly had days when i thought i couldn’t do it anymore. i seriously believed you were driving me crazy on purpose! i kept thinking of ways to distract you, of not making a big deal, of not caring so much if you went to school in your underwear or wearing pijamas, or in a spiderman costume… but i did care, and it annoyed me that i couldn’t control this anymore. everyone said this was going to be a hard year, but i never thought those adorable, cuddly little babies would somehow be so picky, and difficult sometimes like you were. we had a few very difficult moments this year and i wouldn’t lie like i never did to you. i doubted myself so many times in my ability to make you happy, healthy and sane little boys, i thought i was going insane. 
work didn’t help, it swallowed me in like a tornado and i had to adjust our family routine to my routine, which probably was my first big mistake, but i honestly thought you were big enough for it and could handle it because you had had me so close for so long… but that was just it. i was always there, and suddenly i wasn’t around so much. it’s a work that fullfils me so, but it has taken so much of me too. i am learning as you grow how to manage it better, but these last 12 months needed this amount of my own attention in order to work, in order to happen, so yes, maybe lots of it was my fault, and lots of your whinning, crying, yelling, tantrums and “no”s exist because you act out on me, us, not being there anymore, but i want to believe that this whole thing we call the “impossible three” is real too!
by no means think that this was a bad year, no, definitely no, but being a mother, as one day i hope you understand once you have your own children is not just holding you and saying everything’s going to be alright, it is also doubting yourself in every action you take because no one ever told you otherwise. and we learn from every single action, word we say and i hope i can explain to you someday but for now, know this… i as your mother, couldn’t be prouder, couldn’t love you any more than i already do now. i am thankful everything day for your existence and for those gorgeous adorable faces. i am in love with you more each day.
did you know you are very funny? that you laugh so hard sometimes you fall down? that you have a huge obssession on spiderman, dinossaurs and lightning mcqueen? you love chocolate, lollipops, ice cream. you love watching cartoons, but also love sitting down and watching any program with dad. you and i go for afternoon tea everyday after school and once or twice a week to the park for a long stroll or climb up the spider web. on weekends we do just about anything to make you see this fabulous city we live in, museums, parks, river, boats, train, lunch wherever, dinner once or twice around town for you to try almost all flavours of food. it was the year you saw your first movie at the cinema, your first rollercoaster ride, your first ocean swim for real, you first dive in deep end pools, your first horse ride, your 12th airplane ride and so many other accomplishments in so little years. you will become amazing people i am sure. may you always stay little, cuddly, brave, stubborn, and mine forever. 

foto by mariana megre